One Fish, Two Fish, Dead Fish, New Fish

Our family has a new member. His name is Blue Knight, and he is a fish. This is not our first experience with fish. It is a return to fish ownership after a good 4 year hiatus. I swore there would be no more fish in our household, but then again I also swore I would never own a mini van, and would never move again. Hmm, I am beginning to see a pattern here.

Why might I be so against fish? Let me take you back a few years to a bright and sunny, summer evening. Tom arrived home from work and asked the girls and I to join him outside because he had a surprise for the girls. Tom opened his van and presented each daughter with her very own fish bowl, rocks for the bowl, plastic plants, fish food, and 2 gold fish each. Their sweet little eyes lit up with jubilation. I crossed my arms and began whining. What? Seriously! I didn’t want any fish. Tom said that the fish would teach the girls responsibility and that the care and well being of the fish would be up to the girls. They were 4 and 6! I just wanted Hailey to make it the bathroom on time, and Megan to remember to brush her teeth regularly. If we could accomplish those two things before their next birthdays then I would have been ecstatic. That would have been about all the responsibility I expected of my daughters at that moment in their lives. Since we were having minor challenges on those two areas, I was pretty sure the fish were going to be either dead in a couple days or my responsibility.

The girls were pretty good about remembering to feed their fish for the first several days. Perhaps a little too good, within a matter of a day or two there were large amounts of uneaten food floating on the top and bottom of the fish bowl because a “pinch of food” to a young child is more like a “glob of food”. Tom gave a careful instructional to the girls on how to clean the fish bowls. I think he figured that showing them one time how to clean a fish bowl would equate to them being able to complete the task solo from then on out. Apparently he had forgotten how many times we had to show them how to tie their own shoes. But I digress, the second time the fish bowls needed to be cleaned I assisted the girls. The third time the girls were over fish bowl cleaning and didn’t want anything to do with it. The fourth time, I didn’t even bother asking for help. I just did it. I seem to recall I had other battles to win that day.

As was to be expected, after a couple of weeks in the new home one of Megan’s fish was discovered to be floating on top of the water. To say that Megan was upset would be an understatement. She seized the opportunity to practice the art of dramatics. We comforted Megan and offered to have a funeral for her fish. She perked right up at the mention of some new kind of activity to not only fill her day but also place great attention solely on her. Megan opted for a non-traditional fish burial. She opted to have her fish buried in the front flower bed as opposed to the more traditional water burial method. In lieu of flowers, she took up monetary donations for the purchase of a new fish. Following the ceremony we had milk and cookies in the kitchen. It was a beautiful ceremony in which Megan shared some of her more precious moments with her fish i.e. fishy faces through the bowl, singing fish his apparent favorite Hillary Duff songs, and telling fish all her secret thoughts and wishes.

Two days later one of Hailey’s fish died and we had to repeat the whole process over again. Common sense would have told me to not replace the fish as they died, but I was sad because my girls were sad. So, I continued to replace these fish even after the novelty of owning fish had passed and even though I was now the sole caretaker of the fish. The burial of the fish had by now resorted to me saying, “Another fish died,” at which time I would flush it down the toilet while the rest of the family simply responded with an, “oh.” Finally after months of this and more money then I care to count up, I said enough with the fish and discarded the neglected and empty fish bowls. Tom said the girls would be really disappointed. When asked they said they really didn’t care. I told Tom we would never own anymore fish because as suspected they had become my responsibility.

Fast forward 4 years and Hailey is now 8. Hailey has been bugging me for quite some time that she wants a fish, and I have regularly reminded her of our past fish experience of which she has no recollection. We went on a family trip over spring break, and Hailey decided that she was not going to spend any of her allowance money on souvenirs. No, she decided that she was going to save it and buy a fish when we returned home. I caved. I decided that she should be able to spend her money as she wanted and maybe if she had some ownership in the fish she would be more likely to care for it. When we returned home from our trip, she bought Blue Knight. Blue Knight has been in our home for 4 months and knock on wood he hasn’t kicked the bowl yet (get it? Bucket? Bowl? Ok so that was a stretch). Anyway, Hailey is doing better at caring for Blue Knight. She doesn’t clean his bowl completely on her own; however, she does assist which is more then she did on our last attempt at fish ownership.

Our last bout with fish was a learning experience for everyone including Tom. First you have to tackle one area of responsibility at a time. With toilet training successfully behind her, Hailey was more prepared to take on greater challenges such as caring for a fish. Second ask the wife before you bring another living breathing creature to the house who might require care and attention. There is only so much Mom to go around! Third wait until I am a full time stay at home Mom with nothing better to do during my day then to make fishy faces at Blue Knight through his bowl.