Show Me the Daughter...Uh Oh

Not too long ago I was watching a TV show and an actress on the show said, “Show me the daughter and I’ll show you the mother.” The actress happened to be dying in the show and she was talking to her mother. She was praising her mother for raising her to be a strong, confident, and loving individual. It was a real tearjerker. Yes, I was watching the Lifetime channel.

Those words, “Show me the daughter and I’ll show you the mother,” really stayed with me. I pondered them for a while, ran them through my head, and then I thought, “Oh crap!” I’m not sure what concerned me more. Was it the images of the girls playing with their dolls and doing a high level of disciplining? Or was it Megan’s obsession with worrying? Her fear for everything from the destruction of the world to the milk is almost out. Or was it Hailey’s carefree, loves a good party mentality that has me threatening to send her to the same college as Megan who will help keep her under control. These fears were compounded when my thoughts were interrupted by screeching and screaming from the girls bathroom where they were yelling about who hit who first. Just great….”Show me the daughter and I’ll show you the mother”. Whoever wrote that must be a perfect parent or better yet, not a parent at all.

Much to my distress these words would not leave my mind. The next day spring conference schedules came home. It appears to be a growing trend in the public school system to have regular fall conferences with every parent and then optional spring conferences. The teachers seem to reserve the spring conferences for students who are having challenges or for any parent who specifically requests the conference. I am proud to say that my daughter’s teachers have not felt it necessary to have a spring conference with Tom and I.

Tom and I, on the other hand, along with our daughters have felt differently. Conferences are a rare opportunity to sit down with a third, non-biased, party and hear all the good things about our children. Tom and I need those moments to reassure us that we are doing a good job. We need those moments to hear about how awesome other people think our children are. It’s purely selfish and ego boosting for Tom and I. As for my daughters, well they like conferences for the same reason. They like to hear about their teacher bragging on them. I think it also sends a message to them that Mom and Dad care about how school is going, and we want to be involved in their lives. After all the girls spend 7 hours out of the day at school which is a significant amount of time. We want to know what is going on while they are away from us.

So, I sent back the form and requested a spring conference for both girls. Tom and I attended the conference, and as usual we received glowing reports on our daughters and their academic lives. “Show me the daughter and I’ll show you the mother,” started to have a slightly different sound to me. Suddenly I began focusing not so much on the negatives which I hope with maturity will fade a little, and I focused more on the positives as well as how some of the negatives could be positives. Hailey’s carefree love of life is often contagious. She is a ray of sunshine not only in our home but everywhere. She also has a big heart and 99.9% of the time if you ask her for help she will gladly respond with a, “yes”. She is a hard worker with a service heart. Megan also possesses a big heart. When she sees a person hurting you can almost see the hurt on her face too. She hates to see a person crying and when she does she is quick to offer comfort and reassurance. She is a nurturer with a caring heart. Her tendency to worry has benefited her in school. She is very studious and places great importance on her grades. What parent would complain about that? Megan studies hard and has great respect for her teachers.

I think all too often as parents we tend to hone in on negative character traits or behaviors in our children, and we forget to take time to focus on the positives. Tom and I have often used school conferences as an opportunity to soak in the good, but we need to do a better job on our own throughout the year. “Show me the daughter and I’ll show you the mother,” crosses my mind regularly now. When it does, I seize the opportunity to look at the positive things in my children, and I also let it serve as a reminder of the women I want them to grow to be. It also challenges me to be a better daughter so people can see what a wonderful mother I have. “Show me the daughter and I’ll show you the mother,” oh that Lifetime channel, it’s good, it’s real good.